Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
