hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize