when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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