We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
