So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
