So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize