How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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