Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
