To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
