Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
