Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
