he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
