fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
