did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize