Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
