I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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