oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
