I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
