U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
