some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
