We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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