And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
