imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
