I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
