I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
