Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize