So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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