i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
