I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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