Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
