he wants to bone in the snuggie
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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