I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
this just has baby written all over it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize