my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
