Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
