I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
