This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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