well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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