he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
