i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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