It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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