If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
