no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
