Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
