i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
