You're my little dorito
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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