so that wasnt chicken after all
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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