he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
