why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
