Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
