yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
