So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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