so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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