That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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