The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
