The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Randomize
