You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Pants are for mortals
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
