THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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