"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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