Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
