24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
