At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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