Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
