So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
