The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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