He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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