if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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